Friday, June 19, 2009
And the music is almost soothing

Were I to be brutally honest with myself, I'd have to admit that, could I afford it, some form of counselling would be necessary.
There are too many things I struggle with that I just can;t get past by myself.
Whilst none of these affect my day to day life, they do have a large impact on my social happiness.

I keep feeling lonely, yet, I'm terrified of actually approaching anyone I find sufficiently interesting. Very few of my friends live near by, so my social life is almost dead. People have told me I should go out and meet more people but even this engenders some sort of fear in me. It's not so much that I'm afraid of people as that I find it hard to believe people I don't know, or that even many of the ones I do would wish to spend time with me. Likewise I find it hard to believe anyone would be interested in me to the extent that I'd like them to.
In addition to this, I've been single for so long now that I have no idea what I'd do in a relationship and am probably equally scared of the chance of someone actually being interested.

I just don;t really know what to do. All the suggestions people make simple make me more afraid/neurotic.


Currently listening to:
Warrior's Dance
By Prodigy


Posted at 07:20 am by Halcyon

PaniAntosha
June 20, 2009   02:51 AM PDT
 
I guess the national health plan you have in the uk doesn't cover counseling? It is enormously helpful to have an objective professional opinion sometimes. I have gone at several critical points in my life and at the risk of sounding dramatic it really saved me. Self confidance and self love can really be difficult. I still struggle w/it to this day and have been married for 28 1/2 yrs. The love must come from inside because all the people in a person's life can't be responsible for your happiness. I have friends and family -some nearby,some not but everyone is busy with their own lives-jobs , families etc. Ultimately what we have is ourselves and the need for self acceptance. I will be 50 this year and still sometimes I'm that little girl longing to know who I am and what my purpose is. I hope this doesn't make you feel worse. I have a tendency to isolate at times-probably why I love the computer so much. I'm glad sometimes that people care enough to still seek my company. I'm sure you are worth knowing. One of my friends married for the first time at 45 another at 40. The adjustment to living w/someone else was a bit tough but now they are very happy. Don't give up hope.
Deirdre
June 19, 2009   06:34 PM PDT
 
I can't imagine how that feels and I'm sorry that I don't have an answer for you. :(
 

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For the sake of clarity,
my "Titles" are song lyrics.
If you find them interesting,
listen to them


   





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The Music in my Titles












Darkness, Darkness

Robert Plant

Darkness, Darkness, be my pillow, Take my head and let me sleep
In the coolness of your shadow, In the silence of your deep
Darkness, darkness, hide my yearning, For the things I cannot see
Keep my mind from constant turning, To the things I cannot be
Darkness, darkness, be my blanket, cover me with the endless night
Take away the pain of knowing, fill the emptiness with light
Emptiness with light now

Darkness, darkness, long and lonesome, Is the day that brings me here
I have felt the edge of sadness, I have known the depths of fear
Darkness, darkness, be my blanket, Cover me with the endless night
Take away this pain of knowing, Fill this emptiness with light now
Emptiness with light now

Darkness, darkness, be my blanket, cover me with the endless night
Take away this pain of knowing, fill this emptiness with light now
Oh with light now.
Darkness, Darkness, be my pillow, Take my head and let me sleep
In the coolness of your shadow, In the silence of your deep
In the silence of your deep
In the - oh oh yeah
In the summer baby
come on come on come on baby...





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